I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
