I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I am spending my child support on dildos
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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