Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
