I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My balls are so social today.
handjob tips. give me some.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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