idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
