the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
