here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
