we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
