Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
