There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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