You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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