I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
