I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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