I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
