We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
