I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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