Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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