careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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