I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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