She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
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votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
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I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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