I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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