I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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