Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
