I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
