It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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