I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
