im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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