Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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