Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
