He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
