am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
