If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
