I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
