and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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