we have pet lesbian snakes
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
