1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
