and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I AM VODKA MAN
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
