The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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