i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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