Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
third nipple confirmed
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
