i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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