I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
