batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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