Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
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If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I stole a fireplace last night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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