you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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