Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
