Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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