Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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