we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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