Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
