Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
