I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
