i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
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