How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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