You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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