my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize