im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I need to calm my uterus...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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