flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize