Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
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I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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