She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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