i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
