I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize