Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
