Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
