The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
