Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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