Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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