your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
