I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
