i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
