Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
