And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize