sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Shame is for Republicans.
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