so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I could make wine with my vomit
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
