absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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