in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i out mim tonsoeep
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