Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
