I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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