you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
