i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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